My Virginity Mistake (Eryn-Faye Frans)

What do you think about a kind of faith that promises to remain a virgin prior to marriage? Here is the hard part: what if you are 21 years of old, madly in love with someone, believe you have a covenant future and deeply involved in your faith community?

Does sexual and emotional attachment (as in, what do I do with my surging feelings?) before marriage interrupt or harm one’s attachment towards God and faith? Does virginity before marriage make it more likely that you will have a joyful sexual life once married? Perhaps you think that you have made a “virginity mistake.”

Eryn-Faye Frans is a friend of mine and has been for many years. She is a Toronto lawyer and is also “Canada’s Passion Coach” who confronts sexual issues that may be uncomfortable for some and deeply welcomed by many others. And she has a special interest in the church and its mission in the world.

In her blog, Eryn-Faye responds to a Salon.com article (also very interesting) on the debate around faith and virginity. I found the discussion very thoughtful and I hope that you do as well. Also, check out my friend’s web site at ErynFaye.com.

She has published “The Essential Elements of Sex” and I use this book in my marital practice.

You Better Start Kissing Me

This poem is by Hafez, a 14th C Persian poet (also called Hafiz, meaning someone who has memorized the Quran), well summarizes the spirit of Valentine’s merriment, perhaps from God’s viewpoint. Enjoy.
————————————–
Throw away
All your begging bowls at God’s door,
For I have heard the Beloved
Prefers sweet threatening shouts,
Something in the order of:
“Hey, Beloved,
My heart is a raging volcano
Of love for you!
You better start kissing me—
Or Else!”

How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex

My advice is “earlier than you think you should” and “more often than you think you ought.” Thankfully there are better informed people than me.

Eryn-Faye Frans is a sex educator and a long-standing friend (I have known her since she was born!). Formerly from Vancouver, Texas, Scotland, back to Texas and then Vancouver and now in Toronto — its been hard to keep up with her — Eryn-Faye is a great parent, a loyal church-type (though not at all “religious” in the stuffy meaning of that) and provides thoughtful and thorough advice and hope to couples who are finding their sex life less than lovely. (I actually don’t know how a sex educator could possibly be stuffy.)

And she knows about parenting. Her recent blog reports some recent research that advises:

* Spread out the conversations
* Use anatomically correct terms
* Don’t lie
* Don’t assume
* Don’t judge
* Pass it on

I found this advice helpful. I hope you do as well. And sign up for Eryn-Faye’s  blog — you will learn lots of interesting stuff.

1950s Marriage Boing

I have been writing a book entitled “Couple’s Journey of a Lifetime: Mentoring for Pre-marriage, Re-marriage and Early Marriage” and I came across this funny YouTube clip on 1950s premarriage counselling. Watch it and you will discover the “Cupid’s Checklist,” a “Marriage Development Board” and advice on how to keep the “boing” in your marriage. (I might get one of those boards.) Enjoy.