“So, A Guy Walks Into a Bar…” (Sex and Laughter)

There are lots of reasons to laugh. First, laughter is fun – and fun is reason enough for all of us to laugh lots. Secondly, because non-laughers are usually boring and uptight people. The kind of people we don’t want to laugh with anyways. Thirdly, because laughter cleans out the psycho-social pipes when things are bad.

Now you need to know that there are two kinds of laughter: “laughter, the funny kind” (LFK) and “laughter, the mean kind” (LMK). LFK brings people closer and LMK breaks, butchers and belittles that which is important.

I am talking about LFK or “laughter, the funny kind.”

Cleaning out the pipes: You saw it in “The Bucket List” when Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson laughed until they cried. Well, they needed to laugh. They were both dying and they were leaving those who wanted them to live. (Go rent the film. You will laugh and cry and get your pipes cleaned all at once.)

The laughing contagion: Do you remember in high school when you couldn’t stop laughing and when your teacher threatened you with “whatever” (you were laughing too hard to remember) and that she began snickering too? Laughter is contagious and that is a good thing. You avoided a detention or writing lines or visiting the principal. The laughter contagion brings people together when they are opposites.

“No laughing matter”: You have heard that truism; that the severity of the situation requires solemnity or reverence or some other form of sadness. A best-selling Norman Cousins book and a popular Robin Williams film, “Patch Adams,” teaches us that laughter might even heal people. Still, even if you die, laughter is the best way to go. It’s called “dying well.” It’s a funny way to go.

Getting unstuck: Unsolvable problems are usually better solved through laughter than “serious, urgent, important” strategies (“SUI” sounds like a pig call doesn’t it?). If your life has 20% problems and you invest 80% of your resources in strategies like problem solving, worrying about things, and “daring to discipline,” well, you are likely to add to the unsolvability of it all. Makes you want to laugh. Or cry.

“So what’s this all got to do with sex?” you asked.

Good question. Of course if you have looked at yourself naked recently, laughing is way better than crying! And if you think about orgasms, erections, the “missionary” position, all that wetness, well, it is pretty funny isn’t it?

And of course, all orgasms don’t call for the “Hallelujah Chorus!” (That’s a joke.)

“So, a guy walks into a bar…”

70 is My New 100

Like many other rabid Canadian hockey fans, I watched the Canada — United States final in men’s junior hockey where the US won 6 to 5 in overtime. The Canadians played as brilliantly as the US team and, as needs to happen in competitive sport, one team won. The US team put in more hockey pucks in the net than did the Canadians.

The defeat on the Canadian players’ faces made it clear that they could not appreciate the excellence of their game and the entertainment that they brought to millions of people. Their lack of ability to celebrate their success and even to smile, let alone be delighted in their silver medals, robbed them as it did us.

They couldn’t be grateful. They couldn’t be appreciative of the quality of their opponents. They couldn’t see further than their own losses. They wouldn’t celebrate the other’s victory. They couldn’t enjoy the excellence of being in the company of excellence. They couldn’t reflect on the reality that they have the privilege of doing what the rest of Canada only dreams of.

Being satisfied with only winning destroys much of life and everyday relationships. I see it in myself and I see it in my clients. Couples tell me about it. Teenagers complain about it.

Good is never good enough.

I tell my clients [and almost anyone else who will listen] that “70 is my new 100.” I also tell them that perfectionism does not help them do the job better, it only ensures that they will enjoy the success less.

Celebrating more, being grateful more, enjoying more, laughing more – these are the kind of “mores” that lead to success.

The Myth of the Perfect Parent

Christianity Today magazine has an informed and persuasive article on perfection and parenting. Find it at — http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2010/january/12.22.html

The subtitle reads, “why the best parenting techniques don’t produce Christian children.”

Needless to say, I loved the article and wished that I had written it! Leslie Leyland Fields is witty and wise, digging deeply into Biblical theology.

This is important stuff for the perfectionists and obsessives among us. It also has a very funny photo of an angelic redhead trying to be perfect!