Fighting: We See Things as We Are
Anais Nin commented that “we don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.”
Acknowledging this – that our life and especially our pain, skews our seeing and our thinking – is the first step in mediation and conflict resolution.
If the psychologist observes this when two parties are deeply stuck and viciously divided, she challenges her client-friend’s way of being in the world, his world view.
The second step is to appreciate the other’s point of view – to see that it has merit.
The third step in mediation is to find an agreed upon goal that both parties can strive towards. This is popularly known as a ‘win-win’ solution and puts the combatants on the same side.
These 3 steps result in a ‘success’ that is seldom better than 70%; in other words, neither party gets the perfection they think they are due.
Acknowledging, then appreciating and finally agreeing. And that seems right to me.