coaching

How to Find a Counsellor

in All Entries / coaching / Counselling / General / Psychology / spiritual direction  by Paddy Ducklow 0 comments

Carole and I often have people asking about who to see for counselling or where to find a psychiatrist or psychologist, sometimes in towns I have never heard of. I (Paddy) have put together a few thoughts that might move you along to your destination. Here you are:

1.         What kind of counsellor do you want? You may not know that a marriage counsellor might not be as helpful as you hope in working with your anxiety or assessing autism in your child. Make sure you ask for what you really want. It is okay to ask a prospective therapist what they love doing.

2.         Think about coverage or third party payment. In our part of the world (BC), medical doctors or psychiatrists are paid for your visits, so you don’t pay, your insurance does. Registered psychologists (Paddy is a psychologist) are covered by most insurance programs but you must make sure how much coverage you have – each insurance program is different. Carole is Registered Clinical Counsellor and it is increasingly common to have these folk covered as well. By the way, it is okay to ask for a reduction in fee if you are financially stretched. The counsellor can always say “No.”

3.         Consider the “match.” Do you want someone who understands and identifies with your faith commitment or family status? If you are LGBT, do you hope for someone who shares your hopes and experiences? Match is one of the most important criteria in choosing. If you have a poor match, you can waste time and money. The therapist’s web site should give you most of the information you need.

4.         It is okay to interview a prospective counsellor or therapist. Figure out what questions you have and if you can’t reach the person on the phone, send your email questions.

5.         You can look for referral lists. The BC Psychological Association has a list as does the Registered Clinical Counsellor Association. I recommend that those who want a church-referenced counsellor contact the Pentecostal Assemblies of Canada — they have a listing across the country.

I hope that this helps you a bit. I have a longer article on my web site that you can visit, as well as some recommended counsellors that Carole and I work with personally. This latter group is mostly in the Vancouver area.

My best to you on your search and contact us if you want to talk this through a bit.

Contentment: A Simmering (Guest Blog)

in All Entries / Change / coaching / Counselling / Depression / Emotions / Encouragement / Faith / spiritual direction  by Paddy Ducklow 0 comments

The following is a blog by a client-friend who is deeply grappling with what it means to be human in relationships and what it means to be faithful to herself. She is easy to admire as she has gone through losses and discovered meaning. I hope you enjoy her thoughts.

Being 27 is something I have always wanted.  It seemed like the perfect age to me because I obviously would be engaged to a very successful man, have a very successful career, and be at the peak of my climb in my own social ladder.  I would attend my 10 year reunion and everyone would be envious of me.  Isn’t it funny how life always seems to stick out its tongue at you and yell, “GOTCHA!”?

Earlier this year I experienced the most intense heart break, and I was not sure I was going to going to get through it, let alone ever recover.  Instead of living one day at a time, I was literally existing one second at a time.  Slowly the seconds turned to minutes, and the minutes to hours, and now I’ve found the hours have definitely turned to days.  But if you told me presently I would still be living one day at a time, relinquishing the last minute I had to keep my eyes open before I could retire to sleep, I would not have believed you.  Not me!  I thought I was far too smart and strong to ever live a 24 hour emotional day.  At times I find myself staring at my ceiling, picturing the heavens, and shouting silently, “When is my big break coming?”  It makes me so angry sometimes to think of how hard I have struggled, to get to this measly place in my life, that I often break down in tears just out of sheer frustration and emotional exhaustion.

In the past couple months, I have experienced a slow realization.  It has not been an epiphany, nor an “AHA!” moment, but a simmering feeling that either my outlook needed to change, or I would constantly be striving for the “something more”.  I currently have a job in finance, at one of the most successful new accessory companies in the world.  My boss is, for the most part, great, and my coworkers could be considered some of my closest friends.  I have a lot of responsibility at work, and although I do not get paid a lot right now, the experience I am gaining will be extremely valuable, should I ever decided to move on.  I have an amazing apartment in the heart of the city, and 2 absolutely lovely roommates who accompany it with me.  I even have a dog, who loves me so much, and gives me a reason to always get out of bed in the morning, even if I am having a dark day.  I have some of the best girlfriends in the city who have been there for me in my toughest times, and would never leave me.  My heart is healing slowly, and I am learning a lot about being datable.  I have enough money to keep me fed and go to the gym, which means I am healthy, and I can even contribute to my retirement savings plan!

While I don’t have the top of the line career, or a big ring on my finger symbolizing the amazing eternal love I’ve found, I do have a lot of things.  Once I started letting go of all the things I want to have, and focusing on what I do have, bits of light started floating into my life again.  I wouldn’t call the light happiness, but I would call it contentment.  I get a smirk on my face and peace sits on my heart when I think of all the things I do have.  This peace has led me to little things I need to work on in my life such as: being a better employee; not being so moody when things don’t go my way; trying to be less flakey and continue to commit to plans when I say I will; stop comparing every nice man in my life to my past relationship.  Contentment has led me to see the things in my life that are definitely attainable, and while a bigger salary will not make me a better person, this contentment will.

Vocation is Listening to a Voice

in All Entries / coaching / spiritual direction / Vocation  by Paddy Ducklow 0 comments

I am preparing for a seminar this week on “Mixed Emotions” focusing on the emotions of leadership, especially in the church. While preparing I remembered this quote from Frederick Buechner that I often read in one of my “Character and Call” classes. It moves me every time I read it.

Vocation comes from the Latin vocare, to call, and means the work a man is called to by God. There are all different kinds of voices calling you to all different kinds of work, and the problem is to find out which is the voice of God rather than of Society, say, or the Superego, or Self-Interest. By and large a good rule for finding out is this. The kind of work God usually calls you to is the kind of work (a) that you need most to do and (b) that the world most needs to have done. If you really get a kick out of your work, you’ve presumably met requirement (a), but if your work is writing TV deodorant commercials, the chances are you’ve missed requirement (b). On the other hand, if your work is being a doctor in a leper colony, you have probably met requirement (b), but if most of the time you’re bored and depressed by it, the chances are you have not only bypassed (a), but probably aren’t helping your patients much either. Neither the hair shirt nor the soft berth will do. The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.

Source: Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC by Frederick Buechner

The Heaviest Emotion (David Ducklow)

in All Entries / coaching / Depression / Emotions / Encouragement / Faith / Motivation / spiritual direction  by Paddy Ducklow 0 comments

This blog is from my son, David Ducklow who is now part of our counselling team. These words are from his blogspot, entitled “Grace & Peace To You.” You might want to sign up to get them regularly. Here are David’s thoughts on the heaviest emotion.

When I was at university, I would hear well-intentioned, married staff members talk about how singleness is a gift. But at the same time, you could hear a tinge of ‘poor you’ in their voices as they empathically looked at us, hoping that we would not remain this way for much longer. I was not impressed.

“Sure,” I thought, “maybe singleness is a gift. But if this is true, then loneliness must be a gift as well.”

At around this time I concluded that I was satisfied with the single life…  360 days a year. Except for days like February 14, December 24 and 25 and 31 and my birthday, I was alright with my non-marital status.

This is not a blog to solve the problems of single men and women, because we have no more or less problems than you or anyone else. We just need encouragement, someone to change the subject now and then, and a helping hand because loneliness is the heaviest emotion. And at one point or another, everyone needs to carry it.

Updated September, 2015.