Leaders are odd in lots of ways. They usually think about what you and I think about but they do so in different ways. They handle feelings peculiarly to most others too — somehow they seem less interrupted by them. They self-define more, that is, they seem to operate out of some kind of inner value system. And that is why they are leaders and we follow them.
Leadership is not so much about books read, the charisma of your presence, your vast and varied resume. Leadership is more about how you handle “the buzz,” that angst that operates between people that makes some people merge or fuse (e.g. gossip), or run or retreat.
Lots of us lead and we lead best when we observe what is going on between people rather than trying to be smarter, have the last word, support the growing consensus, etc. Focusing less on issues or presenting problems and more on observing the emotional process, helps leaders lead.
Murray Bowen (the originator of Family Systems Theory) and Edwin Friedman (author of “Failure of Nerve“) believe that the key to leadership success is emotional self-differentiation. So what the heck is that?
The following You Tube is a simple and delightful definition about this concept. It is called The Differentiated Leader — Key to the Kingdom. Enjoy.