Gays (LGBTQs) are Welcome Here

This probably doesn’t need to be said. It is 2017 after all. But maybe I need to say it for me more than you need to hear it.

All our psychology and therapy work is gay valuing. We accept, affirm and advocate for all genders and make no discrimination. (Actually, I discriminate on smoking.)

Not only do we understand and accept gay people and their relationships, we advocate for men, women and children to be who they are, not what others think they should be.

No big deal in this culture and this generation. But it is a big deal for others, especially from other societies (e.g. African and Asian) and prominently religious communities.

Churchly people (Jewish, Christian, Muslim and others) are slow to accept newer forms of gender understanding and resist inclusion for lots of reasons. Mostly I think that religious folk are trying to please God and obey Scriptures as a priority, and misreading ancient, biblical documents is easy to do. Some read that the bible seems to argue for exclusion rather than welcome on gender matters, though that is not my opinion and is not the opinion of many world class scholars and ethicists. This makes faith groups more “homeostatic” (resisting change) than “morphogenic” (wanting change) to use Family Systems Theory words.

I think another reason is that the church has been a hospice for “ego dystonic” (this was a diagnostic category in the DSM) gays and lesbians. These people know they are gay but prefer to remain closeted and single, meeting their intimacy needs mostly within the church fold.

Clergy-led marriage is a big thing for church people (and many are persuaded that it is a pivotal dimension of the nature of faith) and they would argue that this is a privilege for men with women and women with men. I am not sure that church people oppose “pairage” (a term to distinguish gay marriage) as much as they are confused or uninformed. And the clergy don’t do much to clarify.

Speaking of uninformed, I have some decent references for those who want to follow up. The connection between psychology and theology is an interest of mine, so the resources below engage that fruitful tension.

So that is where I am. Out of date as I may be, and slow to understand as I am, I accept, affirm and advocate for the LGBTQ people who wish to accept our therapy and care.

 

[You can respond to this blog or anything else you see on my web site by emailing life@theducklows.ca.]

Notes:

http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/13/living/gender-fluid-feat/index.html

Richard Mouw and Virginia Ramey Mollenkott — Gay Marriage: Broken or Blessed? Two Evangelical Views

 

 

 

 

44 Years — Still Surprised

In about a week, Carole and I will have been married for 44 years. We made a covenant back then in which we promised to love and obey. We’ve been fighting over that ever since and mostly in good humour.
September is a time for promising. Much less glamourized than January, September is a time for covenant making and renewing promises. Kids begin schools in sparkling clothes and lunch buckets, workers return from holidays with renewed vigour (one hopes), church initiates newness remembering its traditions and stretching for hope.
I am glad for this September. 44 years is a wondrous marker for someone who was surprised that he was still married after 20.

My Virginity Mistake (Eryn-Faye Frans)

What do you think about a kind of faith that promises to remain a virgin prior to marriage? Here is the hard part: what if you are 21 years of old, madly in love with someone, believe you have a covenant future and deeply involved in your faith community?

Does sexual and emotional attachment (as in, what do I do with my surging feelings?) before marriage interrupt or harm one’s attachment towards God and faith? Does virginity before marriage make it more likely that you will have a joyful sexual life once married? Perhaps you think that you have made a “virginity mistake.”

Eryn-Faye Frans is a friend of mine and has been for many years. She is a Toronto lawyer and is also “Canada’s Passion Coach” who confronts sexual issues that may be uncomfortable for some and deeply welcomed by many others. And she has a special interest in the church and its mission in the world.

In her blog, Eryn-Faye responds to a Salon.com article (also very interesting) on the debate around faith and virginity. I found the discussion very thoughtful and I hope that you do as well. Also, check out my friend’s web site at ErynFaye.com.

She has published “The Essential Elements of Sex” and I use this book in my marital practice.

Join the Movement

After reading Half the Sky, a women’s book group wanted to make a difference – a real difference. They dreamt, created, argued, consulted, prayed and decided to showcase charitable organizations that actively rescue and work with women and girls. Note: this group decided not to form another NGO and compete with all the other excellent organizations. Last May (Mother’s Day weekend) they launched their first Half the Sky (Canada) event focusing on awareness, advocacy and action.

In just a few short weeks (on Mother’s Day, Saturday, May 11, 10 am – 5 pm), these women advocates will hold their second annual awareness and fund raiser at Park Royal Shopping Centre (south mall) in West Vancouver, BC. They will host 18 charitable organizations that are actively supporting women and girls locally and internationally.

There will be a craft table to make a gift for mum, an outstanding raffle (draw will be at 4pm) and family portrait opportunities. Two BC Lions will join us at the EVA table. Join the movement!

So, having written this because my wife Carole is one of the leaders in this movement and because I deeply believe in advocacy by women for women (of course, men also need to advocate for women and children), a friend forwarded me this wonderful article by former President Jimmy Carter entitled “Losing My Religion for Equality.” Please read it and cheer.

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