Friday, January 8th, 2010
Anais Nin commented that “we don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.”
Acknowledging this – that our life and especially our pain, skews our seeing and our thinking – is the first step in mediation and conflict resolution.
If the psychologist observes this when two parties are deeply stuck and viciously divided, she challenges her client-friend’s way of being in the world, his world view.
The second step is to appreciate the other’s point of view – to see that it has merit.
The third step in mediation is to find an agreed upon goal that both parties can strive towards. This is popularly known as a ‘win-win’ solution and puts the combatants on the same side.
These 3 steps result in a ‘success’ that is seldom better than 70%; in other words, neither party gets the perfection they think they are due.
Acknowledging, then appreciating and finally agreeing. And that seems right to me.
Tags: conflict, counselling
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Thursday, January 7th, 2010
On her intake form “Janice” (not her real name) requested some understanding about her underlying anxiety and her periodic depressions. She felt “at odds with herself” and immobilized with her boyfriend. She asked if I would act as her “sounding board” as she explored her family of origin and emotional history.
Hmm. I’ve never been much good at being mute and inanimate (except sometimes in family dinners) and I am seldom “bored” (I know that is not what she meant) when people tell me the intricacies of their lives. And I certainly don’t want to repeat back what she is saying and already knows.
Therapy is sometimes like a highly caffeinated life – provocative, frequently funny, intensely social, unexpected, almost always tearful, complex, sometimes argumentative. I think that my job as a therapist is to increase tension – rather than “saving,” more like stressing – so that my client-friend can be challenged into change, provoked into a less stuck life.
More “morphogenesis” than “homeostasis.”
Some weeks later, Janice commented – “This is not what I thought counselling was going to be like. I never know what is going to happen when I come here… and I am glad I don’t.”
More than a sounding board.
Tags: counselling, insight
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Tuesday, January 5th, 2010
Now that is a truism. Sometimes I tell my clients that I can’t even afford me! (I am never sure how they take that.)
But how you feel about the expense of counselling depends a lot on what you get out of it.
My fee is $150 per hour (Carole’s fee is $130 per hour). I usually see someone for about 10, 1-hour sessions, so the total is about $1500 over several months. That still is a lot of money. And then you take your car in for a tune-up (actually they don’t tune up anymore – they download computer upgrades) or sign up for a course at Capilano U.
Here is what I do about fees:
• I charge $20-25 per hour less than the going rate for Psychologists ($175 as of January, 2010). I want to give back to you. And my rate has not increased for over 5 years.
• Many of you can have your fees covered under an employee assistance plan or an insurance program. Make sure that you check your coverage for “Psychologists” before you visit with me.
• By the way, both you and your spouse are both covered under your EAP or insurance program. This means that you can have twice the number of appointments for couple counselling. Imagine how many family appointments you can have!
• Keep your receipts for your income tax – some of it may be reimbursable. Ask an accountant.
• I also create my own assistance plan with your church or community group. You pay half the fee and they pay the other half for a maximum of 10 sessions. You would be surprised how many caring people want to provide financial assistance.
• I also reduce my rates for those who demonstrate a pressing need.
I am happy to say that most of my client-friends consider therapy to be good value and many recommend their family and friends. Counselling can be a valuable investment and worth much more than it costs.
Tags: counselling, money, The Ducklows
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